Our Unspoken Mutuality

Every morning when I wake up,

I secretly hope to myself

That today, everything will be fine.
That today, we won’t argue.

No! I don’t understand you
Each time I try, I let you down.
How can I be there for you,
When you don’t even need me?

I can see that you love me
You really do.
But you love yourself more
And I can see that too.

When you love me, I hate you;
Because I think I’m undeserving.
When you hate me, why would I love you?
So I hate you anyway.

I do all I can to keep you happy;
But it’s never enough.
So sometimes, I get frustrated
And just stop caring.

Not the victim, you’re a predator;
Feeding on my slavery and my fear.
If I’m a burden, a pain, a curse,
Why won’t you leave me? Or let me go?

I lack the patience and love that you need
I’m selfish, like you
And the powerless coward that you call me;
If upto me, I’d run away – leave you to bleed.

Yes, I know. You’re weak,
Sensitive and fragile
And that it’s beyond your control –
Your scathing remarks, the ill-speak.

This is probably what you think of me too
We’ve grown on one another, that much is true.
Ironic then that I still want to love you
Though now I’m not sure what love is.

Maybe it lies in our efforts to stay together.
This is our love – our unspoken mutuality;
I love you
Because you love me too.

- Wannabe Wayfarer.