Perception

Every person knows me differently.
Some think I am a sweetheart – the nicest person they know
Some think I am so mean that they make faces at me and go.
There are some who look forward to meeting me
There are others who’d rather not see me.
To some, I am spontaneous, impulsive, happy and bright
Some others, they say they haven’t seen a girl more uptight.

Every person knows me differently.
Some say my life is similar to theirs
Some say they count me in their prayers.
Some shower me with attention, some idolize
Some feign incomprehension, some criticize.
Some think I’m a Punjabi, hence very strong
Some know that the stereotype is so very wrong.

You know me like a mother knows her child.
Not strong or weak, not good or bad,
Not beautiful or ugly, not happy or sad.
You know me, simply, as yours - a part of you.
Like there is nothing unknown between me and you.
You know me like the sea knows the sand.
You know me like the back of your hand.

With you, I don’t have to be any person in particular.
I can be a headstrong feminist with progressive views,
Or I can be a princess who needs to buy too many shoes.
I can be dirty and disgusting; or I can be sexy and clean.
I can behave however I want – decent or outright mean.
I could smile like a doe or I could frown like a monkey
You will still caress my cheek and tell me I am pretty.

It is not easy to be with you - I have to be myself.
All that practice of having to live up to expectations,
Being nice with the nice ones; smart with the sly ones
Pretense comes easier to me than just letting myself be.
When you walk towards me, it is the reason I can’t breathe.
Because standing across you, I am nobody else, but me.
With your unflinching gaze – there is nothing you don’t see.

Emotions come crashing in bursts of hysteria and madness.
As though a massive dam guarding my energies was just bombed,
Every bone in me knows - for this breakdown my heart had yearned.
As my tears surreptitiously seep through the fibers in your jacket,
They seem to dissolve my ego - that cheap, sugar-coated packet.
The feeble walls that hold my pretentiously steadfast resolves
Crumble and tumble, leaving me no choice but to face my flaws.

Each time you amble into my safe-house, you make room inside.
You de-clutter, you sanitize and you clear it up for good measure.
That’s not all. Each time, you leave behind a sparkly new treasure.
You pin-point, you nit-pick, you taunt, you laugh and you tease
And in a fit of giggles, I bask in the attention as you try to appease.
My heart still stops in that moment; but from then on, it is quite easy
I am finding myself with you because that’s who you want me to be.

 

My Day of Love

For a long while, I only saw the back of his head and sometimes, if I was lucky, a side-face. We sat on diagonally opposite ends of the same classroom. He was the dreamy front-bencher and I was the participative back-bencher. I used to observe him quite intently even before we started talking. I noticed that he doodled a lot. He’d always be scribbling or sketching in his notebook, never looking up from his desk, not even to acknowledge the professor’s presence. There was always a pair of earphones nicely hidden behind his long and shabby hair. I thought he was genuinely cool. When we first saw each other face-to-face, I tried so hard to make an impression, he confesses now that he disliked me then.

The year our paths crossed was the same year we chose to walk different ways. He moved to another city and I got busy trying to make money. The first time we really met, just the both of us, was the night before he was to leave Mumbai. We shared paani puri and awkward silence. But by the time we were to say goodbye (with an awkward shake of hands), I was hoping with all my heart that he’d stick around for just a little bit longer.

That was four years ago. He did stick around. With subtle gestures, harmless prods and seemingly inconsequential nudges, one at a time, patiently, diligently, he made room for himself in my cluttered heart. And he’s made it clear – he is here to stay. I don’t know exactly how or when it happened; maybe it had started from the day I first saw the back of his head, maybe it had started way before time itself or maybe, like a platinum love band, it simply has no start and no end. We were, we are and we will be.

There is warmth in him, a comfort in his presence. We’re wound up in each other – we couldn’t keep away even if we tried (and we have tried). They say that you’re nobody till somebody loves you. He believes in me – and that gives me strength beyond all else. He can see through my pretenses and he can break through my walls – I am most vulnerable when I am with him. I am also most protected when I am with him; he guards me fiercely.

Every moment with him is my wondrous day of love – an eternity, a legend. I fall in love with him all over again, every day. Sometimes, it’s in the moment where we make up after a fight, because of the falsetto he talks in when pleading with me to forgive him. Other times, when I don’t see him for months, it’s while watching the sun set over the sea; the beautiful memory of our first sun set together washes over me as the sun reflects a million sparkling diamonds. And every morning when I wake up, I know that there is no morning that will ever match up to our first sunrise together. Most ferociously, it is in those tiny moments that we share – when he walks towards me and the closer we get the harder it gets for me to breathe, when he looks at me with a fire in his eyes and my heart stops beating, when I look away and he softens his gaze, when he kisses my forehead and when my smile lights up his face.

Vivek and I celebrate 19^th September, the day of our first kiss, as our day of love. He kissed me on my forehead on a railway station moments before he took off for Delhi. He lives in Pune now, and we meet off and on. We fight about almost everything and are constantly planning for the zombie apocalypse, among other things like our bedroom wall.

Glad i finally wrote about us,

Thanks to preciousplatinum.in & Indiblogger for this motivation!

Signing off with a big smile,

Wannabe Wayfarer :)

But Most Importantly, Be Mine.

Prologue: Eventually, say when I am 25, I want to get married. Probably not settle down, but definitely spend the rest of my life with one man. This post is for that man. I know this is five years too soon. But this is to remind me what I need to demand of him. I must not be blinded by the fervor and must not compromise on my indispensable requirements. Of course, this may be rendered useless. I will not settle for sub-standard so I just might not get married at all. If in case I do, it is my fiance’s responsibility to read this post.

Hi.

You are going to spend the rest of your life with me. Are you sure? Rethink. Please consider this as documentary evidence of my official warning to you.
If you’re still so madly in love with me, this is what I want:

A humble wedding.

Ever since I can remember, I thought extravagant weddings were the best kind of weddings. As I grew up, I was familiarized with family politics and I learned that big weddings do not usually mean happy marriages. As I gradually attended more and more weddings, I realized I would be much happier with a humble wedding. Firstly, rich weddings are highly inconvenient. I do not want to be an unmoving, over-dressed doll that needs to walk at the pace of an 8-bit video game character on the very day that I want to jump with joy and laugh and dance and not care if the whole world is looking at me. See, my plan is simple:

1.       ALL traditional rituals and functions must be followed. In case you are not Punjabi, I want to do all your set of rituals, too. We are not going to miss out on even the tiniest tradition.

2.       Anyway most of our pre-wedding functions will be different for you and me. We will each be with our respective families. All my pre-wedding functions will be amongst a small gathering of only those closest to me. Therefore, just family. As for you, I am going to trust you to have sincerely performed all your set of required rituals before getting married to me.

3.       A sangeet. I would prefer that to be more or less private, too. My friends and I are constantly editing the song-list. I have already decided the anchor for the event - my maid of honour. So you can’t have a say in that, sorry.

4.       The shaadi – I want pheras. Even outside a mandir will do. Nothing too fancy, please. I just want my pheras and sindhoor and all that jazz. And lesser the audience, the better.

5.       Basically, I want to make just the Reception an open-to-all event. Rest everything needs to be a family affair. Since 80% chance is that you are a Punjabi, our combined family strength will be 800 people. We need to cut it short to 200. That is our guest list for the sangeet. Okay fine, plus a 100-odd for our friends. Reception, you may invite even 1000 people.

6.       I DO NOT WANT US TO SIT ON A STAGE FOR OUR RECEPTION. It’s a reception! Not an exhibition. We will be moving around constantly, touching the feet of elders here, there and everywhere. We will have a table with the rest of the people. NOT a stage. If you insist otherwise, go for the reception alone.

7.       I want to hire a cool wedding photographer and I will not be made to pose with my hands under my chin phonily.

That’s it. See? I don’t ask for much.

Now, here’s what I expect from you once we’re together (since I’ve already chosen you, the disclosure of my more detailed, essential pre-requisites is not needed here):

Say I’m beautiful.

Defend me at all times. Come home and shout, that’s okay.

Don’t leave me alone anywhere.

Be interesting.

Love me, but don’t spoil me.

Travel light.

If I am marrying you, I sincerely hope it is because we love each other. Even my expression of love to you is restrained until we’re married; and I’m yours.

In this life and beyond,

Candidly yours,

Wannabe Wayfarer.

 

So that the bachcha party doesn't get bored



Before I die.. (under construction)

 

Skydiving in Spain

I always wanted to try a free fall from a really high ground. A cliff, or a tall building. Then I saw Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara. Thenceforth, skydiving is the most certain thing on my list. Being dropped from an airplane, 15000 ft. above ground, with nothing but a parachute! Just floating in the air, almost as if flying!

 

Visit Hogwarts, Hogsmeade & Diagon Alley

Because I wish I studied in Hogwarts. And spent my weekends in Hogsmeade. And that I could go to Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, get my wand from Olivander, buy Bertie Bott’s every flavored beans, chocolate frogs, and sit at The Three Broomsticks with a butterbeer to finish my Charms or Potions essay with a self-correct quill.



See the midnight sun in Norway

Midnight sun, literally, is a midnight sun seen during summers near the Arctic Circle, where the sun doesn’t set all day.

And, Norway, I’ve heard, is the most beautiful place to be =)

Record a song in my voice

Not saying I have a singer’s voice. But, I like to sing and I like being complimented about my voice. I want to hear my singing voice, to know if it is actually worth listening to. I don’t know what I’ll do with it, but I would like to record one song, professionally.

Learn a dance form

Okay, I cannot dance. I look stupid when I attempt. I can’t learn because, well, I’m embarrassed that I’ll look even stupider trying. But, in secret, I want to learn how to dance. I envy graceful dancers. So, anyone taking private lessons please let me know.

Live in a boathouse

This is more of a honeymoon wishlist item, of course. Waking up in a boat. Sigh.

Well, that's all the things I could think of right now. I shall keep adding to it. Any suggestions? 

- Wannabe Wayfarer.

People & Me

I know a strong, beautiful and independent woman. She is my best friend and I am extremely proud of her. She inspires me to keep my creativity alive and courageously follow my dreams. We’re very different from each other. I’m selfish. She is kind, caring & will voluntarily go out of her way to help someone; anyone; everyone.

We don’t meet every day; wouldn’t even if we could; and cannot because she lives in a different country now.  So her name flashing on my phone is eagerly awaited and makes me smile wide. She calls me when – she misses me, she is happy, anxious or sad. And at each instance, I feel honoured that she chose to call me.

Through the years that I have known and adored her, I can now broadly identify reasons for when she is feeling low. One of them is that she lets people’s moods affect hers. It’s like having the super-ability of Jasper Cullen in reverse. Bluntly, it is more of a disability. Empathy is fine. But letting that person’s problem become your own is not.

God gives enough strength to each; you only have to seek it within you. Most can find that strength and deal with the problem or move on. However, some are too busy crying to take any corrective action and will whine to anyone with ears. I avoid such people at all costs. “You cannot save a damsel who loves her distress”.  So why waste any shred of your time or mind’s space on their sob-stories? Unless you’re a gossip monger, of course. In which case, please don’t read my posts.

Oh! Gossip – the unavoidable frenemy. I bother about only one type of gossip – that at the workplace. Because negative gossip affects your image in front of potential colleagues to whom you cannot always prove otherwise. Elsewhere, I don’t care even if people cast aspersions on my character. Likewise, whether a person likes me or not is irrelevant to me. I was not put on this planet to please you; though I definitely like being appreciated.

If you know what you’re doing is right and that you’ve put in your best efforts, then no criticism, taunt or snide remark should affect your disposition. Growing up, I was in search for my self-identity. I still am. I think it is more of a process that upgrades as experience teaches me more lessons. However, by now, I have established my ideals, principles and my perception of right and wrong. I am secure with and confident of my views. So I seek nobody’s approval for my actions. There are no more than 5 people at any point in my life whose opinions play an unparalleled role in my decision-making. Anything the “society” says about my life choices, opinions or actions, is immaterial.

THIS is my way to happiness and contentment – my own approval for my actions; being responsible for my own decisions; answerable primarily to myself. It is a liberating feeling.

Mind chow: Associate with spiteful people, their negativity rubs off onto you. While just a simple conversation with happy, optimistic and carefree people brightens your aura too.

-Wannabe Wayfarer