And he said, "You don't know LOVE"

- Anonymous

PRELUDE: I have a wonderful friend who is quite like me in matters of the heart. We pretend we act rationally and listen to our heads, but in reality, we let our hearts win over better judgment. And most of the times, it turns out for the best.

This rhyme is hers. This story is hers. She prefers to grace my blog anonymously.

It ended. Abruptly I won’t say because the signals were clear. I always imagined myself having these long lasting relationships so a four month thing made me sad.

I cried. Then I crap messaged a friend knowing she would be asleep. And even in all that hurt, I sent him something that wouldn’t make him worry or complicate things. I said, “Adios Amigo”

I wondered. Realized that it had happened for the best. I learned, I grew through it. I was happy and sad. I learned to be unapologetic about my feelings. I learned to ‘do what I want’. And it ended before it went bad.

I realized. I was beautiful, smart and mature. There was every reason for a guy to like me. He had proved that. And that was all I needed to know.

I smile. For every relationship that ends, new ones start and old ones are renewed and that’s what makes living worthwhile.

So I Hope.

What happens in Goa stays in Goa

I lived my own SATC movie in Goa this month. And these are memories that will stay with me for a very long time. Can’t say forever, you know my memory-span. That’s partly why I’m writing this post. I want to be able to recall this trip even fifty years from now.

Some details are scandalous enough to completely transform your opinion of the fabulously “prim & proper” girls I travelled with and came to love. So I take them to my grave/funeral pyre (or forget them, whichever comes first). From the following words however, you may draw whatever conclusion your imagination leads you to:

5 hours at the flea market

“Goan bred”

Mish Mar

Mr. Darcy

Red chaddi hotter than blue chaddi

Lunch with what's-his-name

Humar sajan tumhar bistar?

2 a.m. half-biryani with full raita

Future prediction

Free ticket booth

Confessions

350ml

Medical students’ troop getting too friendly

S being openly checked out

Dress Night!

Belly Dance

Hug-spree

Chronicling my life with the fat gujju & steamy affair with the pool-boy :D

Saving the last glass!
Champoonara

T's leg-clap

Early morning cycle-touring

Grocery shopping, chai samosa & Church-visiting

Nothin' on you, baby! <3

Yeah, we made a pact. To make this an annual tradition. It's Ibiza next I think.

Cheers to all the small joys!

-Wannabe Wayfarer.

People & Me

I know a strong, beautiful and independent woman. She is my best friend and I am extremely proud of her. She inspires me to keep my creativity alive and courageously follow my dreams. We’re very different from each other. I’m selfish. She is kind, caring & will voluntarily go out of her way to help someone; anyone; everyone.

We don’t meet every day; wouldn’t even if we could; and cannot because she lives in a different country now.  So her name flashing on my phone is eagerly awaited and makes me smile wide. She calls me when – she misses me, she is happy, anxious or sad. And at each instance, I feel honoured that she chose to call me.

Through the years that I have known and adored her, I can now broadly identify reasons for when she is feeling low. One of them is that she lets people’s moods affect hers. It’s like having the super-ability of Jasper Cullen in reverse. Bluntly, it is more of a disability. Empathy is fine. But letting that person’s problem become your own is not.

God gives enough strength to each; you only have to seek it within you. Most can find that strength and deal with the problem or move on. However, some are too busy crying to take any corrective action and will whine to anyone with ears. I avoid such people at all costs. “You cannot save a damsel who loves her distress”.  So why waste any shred of your time or mind’s space on their sob-stories? Unless you’re a gossip monger, of course. In which case, please don’t read my posts.

Oh! Gossip – the unavoidable frenemy. I bother about only one type of gossip – that at the workplace. Because negative gossip affects your image in front of potential colleagues to whom you cannot always prove otherwise. Elsewhere, I don’t care even if people cast aspersions on my character. Likewise, whether a person likes me or not is irrelevant to me. I was not put on this planet to please you; though I definitely like being appreciated.

If you know what you’re doing is right and that you’ve put in your best efforts, then no criticism, taunt or snide remark should affect your disposition. Growing up, I was in search for my self-identity. I still am. I think it is more of a process that upgrades as experience teaches me more lessons. However, by now, I have established my ideals, principles and my perception of right and wrong. I am secure with and confident of my views. So I seek nobody’s approval for my actions. There are no more than 5 people at any point in my life whose opinions play an unparalleled role in my decision-making. Anything the “society” says about my life choices, opinions or actions, is immaterial.

THIS is my way to happiness and contentment – my own approval for my actions; being responsible for my own decisions; answerable primarily to myself. It is a liberating feeling.

Mind chow: Associate with spiteful people, their negativity rubs off onto you. While just a simple conversation with happy, optimistic and carefree people brightens your aura too.

-Wannabe Wayfarer

Six-month-a-versary

Suprabhatam from Chennai. This is my third visit to this disciplined, orderly and relatively clean city. All three times, I was here for work. Today I complete 6 months as an article/intern with audit firm Deloitte Haskins & Sells or, the cooler version, “Deloitte.” – notice the green dot; and one of our clients is Ashok Leyland Ltd. Anyway, back to the green dot - I’m pretty fascinated by it. One of the reasons influencing my choice of Deloitte for my internship - apart from the fact that it is among the top four audit firms of the world – is the appeal of this green dot. Initially, I assumed that it probably signified environmental consciousness; and despite my curiosity, I never bothered to verify my conjecture.Yesterday, however, my unasked question was answered by a senior here. The full-stop implies that Deloitte is a one-stop-shop for all your corporate needs. Green because, well, auditors like the color green. Although the “environmentally conscious” logic would’ve pleased me more, I like this explanation too.

Notice how I used the words “our client”? I like Deloitte. I like the feeling that I represent DHS. Additionally, atleast at my current assignment, I’m getting to learn truckloads; all the people around me are really helpful and co-operative. I may not have made any substantial or irreplaceable contribution to the audit just yet, but I hope to do soin my remaining 2.5 years as an intern. And I am confident that the people here will be rational enough to give me that opportunity. (No, unfortunately, none of my seniors are reading this blog.)

That’s it for now. Clerical crap awaits me this afternoon. Poittu Varen! (goodbye)

-Wannabe Wayfarer

First Love

Precursory statement: This is not about my first love.

So, yet again, I bunked yet another class for yet another movie. Ek Deewana Tha today. And the world may give it half a star or none, I loved it. I loved it because it’s one of those movie experiences where I’m stuck to the seat even after the credits have started rolling and the movie itself plays in my head for the rest of the day.

The possible scenarios for all typical Hindi romantic movies (not mutually exclusive):

·         A lot of focus on “You never forget your first love”

·         LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

·         Crazy jobless mawaali woos shy delicate princess

·         Love vs. friendship

·         A happy ever-after against ALL ODDS

There was nothing new or fresh about Ek Deewana Tha. Except Prateik. His dancing skills, acting and just him being so cute in love! For people who’ve seen (or will see) the movie, notice the way he hugs her at the Taj Mahal! ^_^

Okay, less than 3 hours since I saw the movie and I cannot recall the name of his character. But his portrayal of that “i-would-die-for-her” kind of lover is etched in my mind. For the moment atleast. Probably because I’m being very sensitive about love this month. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the winter. Winters always make me want to cozy up to somebody and thereafter realize that my ugly pink teddy bear needs a wash. Only during winters, I let myself go “Aww” on mush. Or when I’m eating a half kg tub of ice-cream.

Re-focusing (though there isn't much of a focal point here), while watching this typical romantic movie on a wintry February morning snuggling my hoodie, there were a few couples who came to my mind. I love real-life love stories and so I’ve heard a lot of them. Some were strikingly similar to this one. More than one was a LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT. So fact remains, even if I have never experienced it, love at first sight happens. It’s one hundred percent real and possible. Though, in all the love stories - real as well as fiction- that I can think of, the whole love-at-first-sight emotion is stronger for the man. Because apparently the girl of his dreams is so shy, she doesn’t even look into his eyes. Pfft! I couldn’t be that shy even if I tried. So is the phenomenon exclusive to the ‘bashful boy – timid girl’ pair?

The way he looks at her… sigh! THAT, THAT makes me wish that someone falls in love with me. Just one look, and he decides, “She is the one. The girl I will marry. I love her.” Surreal.

In most cases, like in this movie, the man’s first love is his love at first sight.

I want to be somebody’s first love. Someone he is madly in love with. Someone he will chase to the ends of the world. Someone he will never give up on. Someone who, for him, is his “biggest audience”.

Now, some bubble bursts:

• I don’t think love happens just once. Can’t you love more than one person to the same immeasurable extent?
• Why is the woo-ing and chasing customarily boys’ domain? I want to pataao guys, cheesy pick-ups et al, without being labeled unpleasant things. I want to do crazy things for the one I love. Hmm.. Okay, this question I think I’m answering for myself. I would want to do all those things only if I’m sure he loves me back. Boys are probably more rejection-resistant that way.
• For the normal, non-breathtakingly-beautiful variety of human beings with a zillion things to work out, does love really find us?
• Also, my over-analyzing alter ego, who I try to keep suppressed as much as possible, has a very disturbing theory; that one rarely marries the love of their lives. Most passionate love stories have depressing ends – war, death, or simply (and possibly the worst of its kind), living different lives with different people, away from each other. Apparently, the original EDT has a different ending – one where she ends up marrying a bloke from U.K.; not the happy ending which the audience sees.
• Now that the alter ego is on the fore, might as well get this out of my system: Maybe it’s never about love. It’s just a trade-off. Weighing of options.  The ‘U.K. + parents’ approval + stability + rich hubby’ package probably tilted the scales as opposed to ‘love’. Bleh.

Signing off,

The Ever Optimistic

Wannabe Wayfarer.

P.S.: I do not know how to add audio, but if possible, listen to the music of Ek Deewana Tha. Particularly, Hosanna in Tamil. A.R. Rahman creates magic!